When the nun in 1st grade told me that animals had no souls and her subsequent red faced confused and very angry response to my comment along the lines of "humans are also animals and how was that different" as well as unbaptized babies being flung into "limbo" which set my BS radar into overdrive I was done with Catholicism for good. I went through the motions because I had little choice or agency but the moment I did have power of rejection, (about age 15) I exercised it with finality.
I'm right where you are living. I do envy my mother's uncomplicated transactional faith about heaven, hell and life after death but I see the other ways in which she is willingly blind in order to submit to patriarchal, male energy edicts both political and socially over the course of her life. She pretty much had to be "obedient" or like me, she'd have big and life altering questions. I wonder how many apostates are women not in tune with the authoritarian, merciless, hard edges of "the church". I was the only one in my extended family as far as I know to have such an early and longstanding internal conflict with the Catholic faith and most other Christian churches as well, though most of my siblings do not attend church now either.
Thanks for sharing your story, Cate. We’ve been traveling similar roads.
A detail that didn’t fit into this piece is that my immediate family stopped going to church very soon after I avoided confirmation. It’s like my action shifted something beyond me.
Oh, the babies in limbo thing…I could never reconcile that either.
It is. If you search online for the St. John Cathedral Oak, you'll see many magnificent photos. I'll likely write a post about this tree at some point. Thanks for reading, Rick!
II love your description of your growing up and out of the autocracy/patriarchy of Catholicism. I had a very similar time growing up. Reading your description made me wonder how such top-down authoritarian patriarchy could ever result in people who were desirous of participatory democracy and were confident enough to throw off the forelock-tugging brainwashing that surely results in authoritarian forms of government. We talk a lot about loving democracy in this country, but many people still bow down before an autocratic mean-tempered god and support would-be dictators. Crazy-making.
“I behold the Venus of Willendorf and the Minoan snake goddess, who seem familiar to me, like someone I’ve forgotten.” I thought it was just me. Oh this is so lovely, thank you🥹
When the nun in 1st grade told me that animals had no souls and her subsequent red faced confused and very angry response to my comment along the lines of "humans are also animals and how was that different" as well as unbaptized babies being flung into "limbo" which set my BS radar into overdrive I was done with Catholicism for good. I went through the motions because I had little choice or agency but the moment I did have power of rejection, (about age 15) I exercised it with finality.
I'm right where you are living. I do envy my mother's uncomplicated transactional faith about heaven, hell and life after death but I see the other ways in which she is willingly blind in order to submit to patriarchal, male energy edicts both political and socially over the course of her life. She pretty much had to be "obedient" or like me, she'd have big and life altering questions. I wonder how many apostates are women not in tune with the authoritarian, merciless, hard edges of "the church". I was the only one in my extended family as far as I know to have such an early and longstanding internal conflict with the Catholic faith and most other Christian churches as well, though most of my siblings do not attend church now either.
Thank you for this essay. It spoke to me.
Thanks for sharing your story, Cate. We’ve been traveling similar roads.
A detail that didn’t fit into this piece is that my immediate family stopped going to church very soon after I avoided confirmation. It’s like my action shifted something beyond me.
Oh, the babies in limbo thing…I could never reconcile that either.
Of course animals have souls!!!!!
So beautiful, Ronlyn. The I am's. I am beautiful. You are beautiful. Squirrel!
Many thanks! I couldn't believe the squirrel showed up and LINGERED when I was trying to take photos. :)
That tree in the photo is all the Bible that you need.
It is. If you search online for the St. John Cathedral Oak, you'll see many magnificent photos. I'll likely write a post about this tree at some point. Thanks for reading, Rick!
II love your description of your growing up and out of the autocracy/patriarchy of Catholicism. I had a very similar time growing up. Reading your description made me wonder how such top-down authoritarian patriarchy could ever result in people who were desirous of participatory democracy and were confident enough to throw off the forelock-tugging brainwashing that surely results in authoritarian forms of government. We talk a lot about loving democracy in this country, but many people still bow down before an autocratic mean-tempered god and support would-be dictators. Crazy-making.
It’s puzzling. Maybe it was some kind of compartmentalization—create this new government structure AND still believe XYZ in regards to religion.
For a lot of people, angry father figures still equal safety and security. Even if it hurts, it’s familiar and less scary than change.
Thanks for sharing you had similar experiences. For a long time, I felt very much alone in mine.
I think comPARTmentalization is the perfect word: part of a person craves security while another part is interested in developing independence.
"I am a seeker of what cannot be taught or found, but instead known and felt by my individual human soul." YES
Thank you, P!
Thank you for sharing. My spiritual journey is eerily similar to yours.
That short story you wrote in Jim's class eons ago was a tip off we were kindred spirits! Interesting we've been walking parallel roads.
I really enjoyed reading this--thank you!
Thank you, Monica! Hope you have some special sewing projects planned for this year!
I do! I look forward to being able to share before too long.
I'll keep my eyes peeled!
“I behold the Venus of Willendorf and the Minoan snake goddess, who seem familiar to me, like someone I’ve forgotten.” I thought it was just me. Oh this is so lovely, thank you🥹
No, definitely not just you. There are probably far more like us than we think. Thanks for reading!